A study of mobile phone calls suggests that women call their spouse more than any other person.
That changes as their daughters become old enough to have
children, after which they become the most important person in their
lives.
The study has been published in the journal Scientific Reports.
It also shows that men call their spouse most often for the
first seven years of their relationship. They then shift their focus to
other friends.
The results come from an analysis of the texts of mobile phone calls of three million people.
According to the study's co-author, Professor Robin Dunbar of
Oxford University, UK, the investigation shows that pair-bonding is
much more important to women than men.
"It's the first really strong evidence that romantic relationships are driven by women," he told BBC News.
But the data shows that women start to switch the preference
of their best friend from about the mid-30s, and by the age of 45 a
woman of a generation younger becomes the "new best friend", according
to Professor Dunbar.
"What seems to happen is that women push the
'old man' out to become their second best friend, and he gets called
much less often and all her attention is focussed on her daughters just
at the point at which you are likely to see grandchildren arriving," he
says.
Prof Dunbar also claims that the findings suggest that human societies are moving away from a patriarchy back to a matriarchy.
The aim of the project was to find out how close, intimate relationships vary over a lifetime.
This kind of anthropological study is normally very difficult
to do because it is hard for researchers to get such a big picture of
people's lives.
But by looking at an at an extremely large mobile phone database, they were able to track these changes extremely accurately.
They had access to the age and sex of the callers, who
between them made three billion calls and half a billion texts over a
period of seven months.
Intensely focussed
The team wanted to find out how the gender preference of best
friends, as defined by the frequency of the calling, changed over the
course of a lifetime and differed between men and women.
They found that men tend to choose a woman the same age as
themselves - which the researchers presumed to be their girlfriend or
wife - as a best friend much later in life than women do, and for a much
shorter time. This occurs when they are in their early-30s, possibly
during courtship, and stops after seven years or so.
Women, however, choose a man of a similar age to be their
best friend from the age of 20. He remains for about 15 years, after
which time he's replaced by a daughter.
The researchers say that a woman's social world is intensely focussed
on one individual and will shift as a result of reproductive interests
from being the mate to children and grandchildren.
According to Prof Dunbar, the data suggests that "at root the
important relationships are those between women and not those between
men".
"Men's relationships are too casual. They often function at a
high level in a political sense, of course; but at the end of the day,
the structure of society is driven by women, which is exactly what we
see in primates," he explains.
Many anthropologists argue that most human societies are
patriarchal on the basis that in most communities men stay where they
are born whereas the wives move.
But Professor Dunbar and his colleagues are arguing that this only occurs in agriculturally based societies.
"If you look at hunter-gatherers and you look at modern
humans in modern post-industrial societies, we are much more
matriarchal. It's almost as if the pendulum between the two sexes,
power-wise, is swinging (back) as we move away from agriculture toward a
knowledge-based economy," he says.